Your kids have been back in school for a few weeks now. They’re settling into routines, navigating class schedules, and gearing up for after-school activities. And they’re doing great.
But how are you?
If you’re still battling anxiety, drowning in overwhelm, or struggling to achieve focus, you’re not alone. The back-to-school season, which many parents say lasts until early November, is just as stressful for parents as it is for students–if not more so.
Why you might be feeling anxious or distracted
After a summer of loose schedules and lots of together-time, the uncertainty around the new season peaks for kids in the days leading up to the first day of school. Once they meet the teacher, see which friends are in their classes, and get used to the new routine, they’re on their way. But parents won’t meet the teacher for another few weeks or only briefly and often have little insight into the details of the day. Sitting at home or at work, wondering what is happening inside the school building, can create anxiety.
And that doesn’t even factor in modern worries about what happens in school, mountains of forms and papers to fill out and manage, new drop-off and pick-up routines to set up, and extracurricular schedules to keep track of.
What can parents do?
Fortunately, we’ve got tips for any parent experiencing ADHD, Anxiety, or both. These ideas can not only help you feel better but also help you create a calm home environment and set up your kids for success.
- Uncover routines that worked
Take a moment to think through the routines you used last Fall or, even better, the ones you still had in the Spring. Just because we’re entering a new season doesn’t mean you have to start from scratch and create an entirely new rhythm. “Paying attention to your strengths, and thinking about what you did to be successful last year, can help continue those successes this year.” says Melanie Bieber, a licensed professional counselor and co-author of Aaron Daniel Henry Davis: Just Another Day at School, a resource book for children with ADHD and their parents.
- Ask for help
Whether your ADHD leaves you struggling against the influx of school forms or your anxiety makes morning drop-off a rough way to start the day for everyone, it’s always OK to ask for help. Talk with your partner or co-parent to see if you can better balance the work of this season. When each of you pick the tasks that play to your particular strengths, you’ll all feel better.
- Focus on growth
In the midst of getting homework done, packing lunches, and keeping track of all the shoes, it’s normal to feel as though you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of caregiving. Which makes this a great time to continue reflecting back to last year. Your child is learning, growing, and becoming more independent–all the things you want as a parent. Noticing what they can do this year that they couldn’t last year is a powerful way to center yourself during this season.
- Involve your kids in the organization
All that growth means a few things, not the least of which is that your kids can probably help out more this year than they did last year. If your ADHD makes it difficult for you to get everyone out of the house on time, empower your most time-aware kiddo to keep everyone on track. If your anxiety distracts you from asking to see forms that come home from school, create a place in the kitchen where each kid knows to leave their important papers.
- Talk about it
If you take nothing else from these tips, take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Your friends and siblings, parents of your kids’ friends and even teachers all feel elements of anxiety, distraction, and overwhelm at this time of year. Find someone who is in the same spot to talk to–sharing the experience can make it feel lighter.
- Feel the feelings
The Fall season is a big time for you and your children. Trying to ignore that or downplay it will only make things worse. Build in some extra time to just sit with the feelings–even if it’s five minutes to get misty-eyed between drop off and your commute to work or a deep breath before you go in to pick them up.
- See the big picture
Yes, this is a busy time of year. The pressure to do it all, and do it all perfectly, is strong. But remember that the environment you create at home is more important than all the activities, forms, and homework sheets. In the bigger picture, knowing they will come home to a calm and attentive parent is more important for your kids than going to every practice or handing in every worksheet.
It’s normal to feel like this season will never end when you’re right in the middle of it. But before you know it, everyone, even you, will have settled into the new season.
