Episode 100.

Lindsay Guentzel (00:03):

I was just shy of my 35th birthday when I was diagnosed with ADHD in January of 2021. It turned out to be the answer I didn’t know I was looking for.

(00:19):

My name is Lindsay Guentzel. I’m a journalist and a mental health advocate. And I’ve teamed up with ADHD Online to dive headfirst into attention deficit hyperactivity disorder by talking to the people who know it best, those of us living with it and the mental health providers who work with us. So much is misunderstood about ADHD, and the only way to change that is by having straightforward conversations. Here on Refocused with Lindsay Guentzel, we’ve thrown out those old outdated assumptions about ADHD. It’s time to change the narrative, and not just around ADHD, but mental health in general. Those stigmas that have held us back for long enough? Well, it’s time to refocus our energy.

(01:08):

Welcome back to Refocused, A Podcast All About ADHD. I’m your host, Lindsay Guentzel, and this is our 100th episode. And what you heard right there, that’s how I opened our very first episode back when I was a one woman show and we called the podcast Refocused with Lindsay Guentzel. So much has changed since then, all for the better.

(01:34):

On today’s show, I’m going to revisit some of my favorite memories that we’ve created in the 500 some days since we released our first episode back on May 16th of 2022. I have to be honest, the magnitude of this milestone, especially for a person with ADHD who has struggled to stick with anything long-term in life, I mean we all remember my first podcast and the whopping three episodes I held on for, to make it to 100 episodes is incredibly special. So to have the timing work out the way it did, there is for sure some good energy floating out there around us right now.

(02:14):

Let me explain a little bit more about what I mean by that. To have our 100th episode land the last week of September, meaning it is our lead in to our second annual Refocused Together, which is the special series we created for ADHD Awareness month. I mean, I couldn’t have planned it even if I tried. So when I tell you it was not planned, I really mean it was not planned. No one is that organized. If you look back since we launched Refocused last May, there have been weeks where we released two episodes. There have been weeks, many weeks, where we didn’t release any episodes. And then last October we ended up sharing 32 stories instead of 31. And somehow we still ended up with this magical math. And while the practical voice in my head is telling me it means nothing, the romantic in me still thinks it’s super special.

(03:14):

To be able to wrap up our first 100 episodes with a nice little bow before turning our attention to ADHD Awareness Month and this year’s incredible lineup of Refocused Together interviews makes me feel very fulfilled. A big part of that is because of how special Refocused Together is to me. It’s really where I felt like the podcast started to hit its stride last year and the impact those episodes have had on the ADHD community. We stumbled into something special and I bet there are a lot of you, my fellow big thinkers, who can relate to this. We finished it. I came up with this over the top ridiculously ambitious idea. And despite so much working against us, we finished it. As someone who has hung onto a lot of shame associated with so many projects, it felt really good.

(04:11):

Because this entire podcast has been built on transparency, here’s where I tell you why this podcast has been delayed. I just got home from the hospital again. Yes, my second trip this month, notching a whopping 18 nights and days in the hospital this month. Not how I expected to be preparing for or celebrating the milestone. The last nine months of my life have been anything but what I expected. And right now, if I’m being honest with myself and with you, I am terrified of how my health might affect this year’s Refocused Together. I can tell I’m starting to prepare myself for being disappointed. We’ve put in so much work and are so excited to share this year’s lineup with you, and to have something that is completely and totally out of my control come in here and move the goalposts on me is a level of frustration I can’t even put into words.

(05:12):

I have also found that holding in my fears does me no good, and so I’m shedding some much needed light on what’s kind of breaking my heart a little bit right now. But back to the task at hand, I’ve been thinking about this episode for months. And in true ADHD fashion, I have struggled with narrowing down my list of favorite moments. Don’t even go there about ranking them in any order because if that is a requirement for this list, you’re going to be waiting for this episode for very, very long time.

(05:45):

So instead, I’m going to take the Easy road out and I’m just going to share some of my favorite moments from these first 100 episodes with some bonus insight from both my production team and some of the show’s biggest supporters, which is exactly how we’re going to kick things off. I really hope you enjoy this little trip down memory lane. Make sure to check out all of the full episodes. I’ve linked them all on the show notes. And we’ll see you back here October 1st for the very first episode of Refocused Together 2023.

(06:27):

It felt only right that we welcome back someone who has from day one been the biggest champion of this project, Keith Boswell, the vice president of Mentavi Health and ADHD Online, more commonly known to everyone here on the podcast and I guess in real life as Bos, so glad to have you. I can’t believe we are celebrating 100 episodes.

Keith Boswell (06:46):

I know it seems like we just got started. So to be at episode 100, it’s amazing.

Lindsay Guentzel (06:54):

I want to go back because obviously with 100 episodes there’s so much we could talk about. But there was this moment in August of 2022 where everything kind of came full circle. I had been working on the podcast at that point for a handful of months. We were just about to release episode 13, except for there was nothing ready to go out for episode 13 because I was struggling to balance this new project that I had taken on, and I came to you and I was like, “Here’s the deal. There’s no episode, so let’s do a Facebook Live.” And so we did this great Facebook Live actually from my kitchen and we had a ton of people join. It was so fun. And kudos to that moment where I pulled out my junk drawer and someone in the chat just mentioned, “Oh yes, we call that a doom drawer,” and I was like, “Oh my God, the most relatable thing ever.”

Keith Boswell (07:45):

It almost needs a sound effect. But it also came with a big discovery. I felt like I busted you. We found out you’d been staying up all night producing the podcast to realize you’d been on a 13-week sprint at that point, knocking yourself out because you had a bar and you’d set it early to have the podcast be at the quality that you wanted. And it was admirable, but I think it was also a moment of like, raise your hand and we collectively said it’s time to reassess. And not just reassess what we’re doing, but how we’re doing it, right?

Lindsay Guentzel (08:20):

Absolutely.

Keith Boswell (08:21):

And I can’t believe everything you did for 13 episodes.

Lindsay Guentzel (08:24):

It was such a great moment for me because you and I have both talked about this, I have really struggled throughout my career to find a place where I fit in. And then I met you guys and it has just been such a great fit. And then to have this moment where I had to be very vulnerable and I had to own up to the fact that I had taken on this project and I was struggling to put into effect a workflow. I was trying to do something by myself, executive functioning again, ADHD, not our strong suit.

Keith Boswell (08:58):

Right.

Lindsay Guentzel (08:59):

But it just really reaffirmed this partnership, which has been such a great relationship right from the start.

Keith Boswell (09:06):

I know.

Lindsay Guentzel (09:06):

And what I think has been so wonderful is getting to see you come into your role and your own diagnosis and you getting to share that and you’ve shared it on the podcast.

Keith Boswell (09:19):

I think I wasn’t really thinking about that when we started talking about it, but there’s really a liberation that’s come along with it. It does tie back to that moment in the Facebook Live because I’d always struggled with being vulnerable at work or admitting I couldn’t do something or I needed help. My tendency is, “No one else wants to tackle it. I can do that. Even if I’ve never done it, I’ll figure it out.” And it was good timing for me. I was new enough in my diagnosis, I was still trying to understand it. I think we even got to the point where I just started medication. And to reflect back on that journey, it’s been amazing because it really has been life-changing for me to have some emotional regulation. I didn’t realize how much I struggled like, “Oh, no wonder when I go to Hulk mode, things go wrong.” And now seeing the Hulk and going, “Oh, can be the Hulk, but I think I’m going to lay low today.” Feels like a new superpower for me.

(10:24):

We’re lucky. We’re in an environment where we get to talk about mental health a lot. It’s not common. So to me it’s just been so encouraging. And to hear you say that, I mean, it’s just that’s amazing.

Lindsay Guentzel (10:37):

I look back at these first 100 episodes and I see the transition and I see the changes and I see the place that we are now, which is very different than we were that August day when you found out I had been pulling all-nighters. So I’m wondering for you when you look ahead, what are you excited about with the podcast and the opportunities that we have?

Keith Boswell (11:00):

I think the most exciting thing, and you’re seeing this too, we’ve got still a relatively new chief medical officer, Dr. Herman’s one of the leading psychiatrists in ADHD. He’s bringing a whole new level of expertise to us and experts to our network. You’ve been a journalist first, and so I’m just excited to keep feeding you more and better, and I think just also the renewed commitment that our organization has to this mission. So I look forward to seeing where we are at episode 200. I can’t even imagine. So that’s a real thrill, and again, a real testament to your commitment to being authentic, sharing your journey. Your journey has really expanded over this last year. You’ve had a big year to say the least. And the fact that you’ve delivered this podcast week after week is amazing to me. And I just applaud you for that. Whatever we can do to keep everything going, that’s what I’m going to do.

Lindsay Guentzel (12:15):

Well, it’s not exactly a moment from the podcast. Getting to know Bos, calling him both a colleague and a friend, someone I trust and someone who wants nothing more than to see me succeed, that has been such a special part of this project. Partnering with ADHD Online and Mentavi Health, besides bringing some incredible opportunities into my life, it’s also brought so many special people into my circle. I’m doing my best work right now and a lot of that has to do because of the support and the encouragement I receive from them, and I am so excited to see what’s next. And yes, I used to pull all-nighters to finish the podcast. And oh boy, thank God those days are behind me because there’s no way I would be handling that right now.

(13:04):

These moments I’m sharing, they run the gamut from the very silly to the very serious and every emotion in between. Before we hop into this first memory, I want to share a little something from my managing editor, Sarah Platanitis. Sarah was the first person to join the team. Working with her has been the greatest gift. Truly, I am lucky to call her both my teammate and my friend. And over the last few months, she’s been the most important voice of reason, helping me from getting in over my head more than I absolutely need to. I mean, she’s good, but no one’s that good. Cheers to you, Sarah. I am so honored to have you share your talents with Refocused.

Sarah Platanitis (13:51):

When Lindsay first told me her idea about this podcast, I couldn’t wait to get started. For two neurodivergent journalists like ourselves, this was the perfect project for us. So a huge hooray to our team for reaching our 100th episode. Working on Refocused brings me so much joy. I mean, I am so proud of the episodes that we’ve recorded and I hope that they’ve provided valuable resources, support, and insight into our ADHD community. One of the goals we have at Refocused is to create a safe and supportive space so people can learn and connect and feel a whole lot less alone on their journeys with ADHD. And I look forward to sharing more with all of you, and I’m excited for all the future episodes yet to come.

Lindsay Guentzel (14:45):

Not too long ago on episode 86, I have the pleasure of meeting Kim Livingston. You might remember Kim as the mom who, years before discovering her own later in life ADHD diagnosis, was stealing her son’s ADHD meds to help her make it through the day. Something she opened up about in her Huffington Post personal essay, “I couldn’t manage my messy life, then I started stealing my old’s Ritalin.”

Kim Livingston (15:11):

When I read those comments on HuffPost, it’s a good thing that I have 31 years of student evaluations under my belt. I have lots of practice being evaluated, sometimes fairly, sometimes unfairly, and I can forgive myself. I can understand why I did it. I can see that it was a stupid move. Although I don’t think it was the best way forward, it was a way forward. And I was desperate. I needed help. And even today, it’s not all that easy to get the help we need. And so I look at myself with compassion and I was doing the best I could do at the time.

Lindsay Guentzel (15:55):

How long did that continue when you were taking your son’s medication?

Kim Livingston (16:00):

It was probably a few months, and I did it a handful of times. Certainly not every day. And this was his what we called his homework medicine. And I was the one who kept track of it, so I knew that I wasn’t stealing it from him literally. I was just using this something that he wouldn’t miss. Doesn’t make it a good idea, but I just mean I wasn’t harming my son when I took it. When you look at the comments on that HuffPost article, they’re brutal, you know? I want to go in there and explain like, “no, I’m not a monster,” but I’m not going to do that.

Lindsay Guentzel (16:38):

The internet can be a great place. It has introduced me to some of my closest friends. Unfortunately, it’s not a place where grace and compassion and empathy tend to thrive. We love to throw stones and we love to pretend we’ve done nothing that anyone would ever pass judgment against us for, but I also fully appreciate that at her core, she wants to make sure everything is okay. She wants to go into those comments and try to make people see her, to see what she was going through. But deep down, she knows it would likely be wasted effort. So she has learned to live at the fact that people will always have an opinion about what she did.

(17:22):

You know what I have opinion about? How fantastic I think it is for her to put herself out there in such a vulnerable state to shed some light on something we still have such a hard time talking about, how women have been completely ignored for so long when it comes to ADHD and also the ongoing stigma surrounding the use of stimulant medications in treating ADHD. To be clear, I’m not advocating for or saying what Kim did is okay. Do not come for me. But I will always be about people owning their shit and doing it in a way that lightens the load for those that are still struggling to come to terms with their own baggage.

Keith Brophy (18:09):

I am Keith Brophy, CEO of Mentavi Health and ADHD Online. I’m so thrilled to be celebrating 100 episodes of Refocused. ADHD Online’s mission is to improve the lives of those with ADHD and other mental illnesses. We saw very quickly that people are eager to hear other people’s stories. Lindsay’s passion and commitment to this audience was strong from the very beginning and it’s been an honor to work alongside her to raise awareness, feature a diversity of perspectives, and help people see themselves and feel less alone. Cheers to the next 100.

Lindsay Guentzel (19:04):

You may remember the incredible conversation we had with Dr. John Cruz on episode 77, Managing Out of Sight, Out of Mind in an ADH ADHD World, where we looked into the idea of object permanence or object constancy and its effects on ADHDers.

Dr. John Cruz (19:23):

So object permanence means that you really truly believe the object is gone and does not exist. And what’s going on in ADHD isn’t people thinking, “I put my coffee cup down somewhere. It doesn’t exist at all.” They know it exists, that’s why they’re looking for it. They just don’t know where it is. And it’s as if when it’s not in front of me and I don’t see it, that it’s not there. But if you ask them, “Do you really think your coffee mug is in a different universe or has dematerialized?”, they’re aware it’s there. I really think our phrase out of sight, out of mind more accurately captures what’s really going on with people with ADD rather than object permanence or object constancy.

(20:08):

The other phrase I’ve tried to coin, but I don’t think it’s that good, is an object can be insight, but there’s no insight is to what it is. So the other aspect of object permanency, constancy, missing things is the phenomena of talking about things that we’re not aware of or can’t find once we’re not seeing them, but there’s the mirror phenomena of something is right in front of you. The guy who came home from work one day and threw his jacket on the floor and he’s stepping around the jacket all week. It’s there in the room, but by the next hour if you ask him where the jacket is, he has no awareness. It’s there, so he has the visual information, but it’s not penetrating his information. I certainly see that commonly with people with ADD.

Lindsay Guentzel (20:53):

Dr. Cruz is a psychiatrist that has specialized in working with adults with ADHD for almost 30 years. And what we learned during our interview is his home in Hawaii, well, there are cows next door.

(21:13):

That’s actual audio from our interview with Dr. Cruz. And I need you to know, as John and I are in the middle of talking, Phil and I are over here on the side in the production studio asking each other, “Did you just hear a cow?” The whole interview we’re asking each other that. And so we stop recording on this incredible conversation and I think the first words out of my mouth were, “All right. I got to ask. Was that a cow?” To which he explained that as he started talking with us, one of the neighbor’s cows moseyed on over right outside his window. And like a true professional, John never flinched. Phil and I, on the other hand, we flinched.

Phil Rodemann (22:08):

Hi, my name is Phil Rodemann and I am the coordinating producer of Refocused. I was diagnosed with ADHD after retiring at the age of 63. And the podcast has provided me with a way to learn about my diagnosis while giving back to the neurodivergent community. I am so proud of the work that we do, but I am more grateful to the listeners and providers who share their stories and knowledge with everyone. Their bravery and commitment to our community inspires me to help others share their experiences.

Lindsay Guentzel (22:44):

I still remember my first phone call with Phil. He followed me on social media from my time working as a journalist in the Twin Cities. When he started thinking about ADHD, he reached out for advice on what he should do. Phil very quickly made it clear that he was on board to help me with the podcast in whatever way he could. And thank God the timing on this lined up real well with my mystery medical issue back in January because Phil is one of the big reasons why we were able to keep the podcast on track. He gave the podcast a complete organizational overhaul and then stepped into helping make sure the engineering side of our show was where it needed to be.

(23:25):

I’m so excited to share that Phil is one of the 31 voices we’ll be sharing with you next month as a part of our 2023 Refocused Together lineup. And I can’t wait for him to get the opportunity to shed some light on his own journey with all of you.

(23:47):

Before I started Refocused, I worked in radio and television for what seems like forever. One of my favorite things, one of the best wins as a producer or a host was when something great happened on air live that wasn’t planned. So much has to be organized that sometimes all of your focus is getting you and your guest from point A to point B without any major concerns. That’s why I love this moment with Lisa Woodruff from episode 64 back on January 30th, ADHD and Finding Organizational Peace of Mind in 2023. Lisa shared how she developed the Sunday basket and how it can help you develop organizational skills that give you time back during the week. And she had so generously sent me a Sunday basket to add into my own life, so she was walking me through it when this happened.

Lisa Woodruff (24:38):

Every single time a task comes across your plate, I want you to start asking yourself this question, “Can this wait until Sunday?” So you give your dog a flea and tick medicine and it is the last flea and tick medicine. Once you take that box and put it in the Sunday basket because they don’t need flea and tick medicine for a month, that can wait until Sunday. And it’s this retraining from doing things so fast that they don’t end up on a to-do list, to creating as much time during the week as possible and putting all these actionable tasks on the weekend that what ends up happening after six weeks is that the time to go through your Sunday basket, and it is going to be 90 minutes at least, go so much faster. Because if you’re making financial decisions based on mail that comes every single day, you do not make as good of financial decisions as if you do all of that one day a week. And at six weeks, six weeks is the magic mark where you start to realize that you can think again.

Lindsay Guentzel (25:39):

Well, I honestly didn’t plan this at all, and I in the middle of our conversation was like, “I’m going to get the box out.” And I have to tell you, so six weeks from now is my birthday.

Lisa Woodruff (25:51):

Me too.

Lindsay Guentzel (25:51):

So I feel like we have to… Wait, when is your birthday?

Lisa Woodruff (25:54):

March 18th.

Lindsay Guentzel (25:55):

My birthday is March 18th.

Lisa Woodruff (26:01):

No way.

Lindsay Guentzel (26:01):

Stop it. Okay, so here’s the deal. We are going to have a birthday party podcast celebration. We are going to talk about what I’ve learned over the last six weeks. I just got chills like you would not believe.

(26:12):

I’ll be honest with everything going on, I have not started my Sunday basket, but even hearing her describe it again, it makes me hopeful that it is something I could add into our lives and have it actually help. So here is me stating for accountability. I’m going to work on getting myself set up to do this. And now all I need is for you all to check back in with me before the end of the year. Just kidding. And do not do that.

Barry Herman (26:48):

Hi, I’m Barry Herman, chief medical officer of ADHD Online. Since joining the company, I’ve been very impressed by what Refocused contributes to the conversations around mental health. At ADHD Online, we are setting the bar high in providing gold standard evidence-based, performance-based, and measurement-based assessment and treatment to our clients. Refocused has already set the bar high in providing community, conversation, and resources for people struggling with mental health issues. I’m excited to see what we tackle next.

Lindsay Guentzel (27:30):

When we made the decision to share 31 stories for ADHD Awareness Month last year, it was incredibly important that we told a diverse collection of stories. A part of that emphasis was making sure we told the story of a kid. And I was actually pretty scared about asking parents if they would let me share their child’s story. I don’t do well with being told no. So on a whim, I threw this goal out into the world. And by that, I mean I tweeted about it. And that’s how I found myself sitting on a rooftop overlooking downtown Minneapolis on a gorgeous sunny fall day with Evan Bierscheid.

(28:07):

Evan had just started his freshman year of high school and was leaning into the newness of his ADHD diagnosis and having just started medication. But it was his commitment to his routine that really stuck with me. Because at 37, it’s been a struggle for me to be consistent, and here was this kid, this teen, with so much on his plate doing what he knew he needed to do. It’s really something. Give it a listen.

(28:35):

I’m really curious about the time blocking. How did you start to learn some of that and how did you kind of add it into your life?

Evan Bierscheid (28:42):

My mom is a teacher, so that’s definitely been a big help. She was the one who suggested the time blocking thing to me, of just her seeing what’s effective for her students who are maybe in a really similar place to me and then giving me those strategies to help implement.

Lindsay Guentzel (29:03):

So walk me through it. So you say, “I’m going to spend an hour on this,” and then the timer goes off and you know to switch because you’re lost interest? Or how does it work for you?

Evan Bierscheid (29:12):

What I’ve found is the best is for bigger things like half hour blocks because yeah, so even if I’ve kind of lost interest maybe a little at the end, when the timer goes off, I’m like, “Oh, I can switch to this thing.” And then usually my brain is kind of tricked for what I would’ve thought was boring or whatever, I’m like, “Well, at least it’s not what I’ve been struggling with.”

Meredith Phillips (29:40):

Hi, it’s Meredith Phillips, the rabbit holder from Refocused Together. What a great honor to have been a part of that series. Getting to reflect now on both the podcast and my own feats since then is truly a testament and a gift. Personally, I felt there isn’t actually a word job wise for what I’ve been up to this past year, so I don’t know what that title should be. And while some of the people in the institutions I’ve been challenging might have some very different descriptors for me, I try to kick RSD to the curb and stick to these; human, not of the garbage person variety like I grew up believing, wife to a partner that I wouldn’t want life without, mom to two under tens who deserve to thrive, not just soldier through, advocate for supporting neurodiversity twice exceptionality and learning differences in the public schools, learner of way more than I thought I could or need to learn this past year, and a fighter trying to make fear work for me, not against me.

(30:32):

Congratulations, Refocused Pod. Thank you for bringing hope and validation to so, so many. Can’t wait to see what’s next.

Lindsay Guentzel (30:40):

One of the most wonderful perks, we’ll call them, of starting this podcast has without a doubt been the incredible people I’ve met because of it, like my turtle loving, over packing for even one night away, soul sister in Texas, Meredith Phillips, one of the guests on last year’s Refocused Together. And you just heard her there sharing a bit about her own journey. She has no idea that I’ve actually picked out this moment with her as one of my favorites. Meredith is a super mom. She loves her children with a fierceness that I hope every little one gets to experience in their life. And her family has struggled with navigating the educational system, something I’m sure a lot of you can relate to.

(31:24):

You mentioned some of the things that you were seeing with your son that stood out to you and you were kind of able to make the connections. What were some of those?

Meredith Phillips (31:32):

So for him it was a lot of… His biggest thing is just back to the executive dysfunction. But for him, I was seeing a lot of negative kind of self-talk. And for him it was that. I mean, I’m going to try not to get choked up, but as a parent, the last thing you want your child who’s like five or six saying is that they wish they had never been born. And that’s the kind of stuff we were seeing. I don’t even know where he heard that. I don’t know how this became a thought in his mind that especially at that age, I don’t think children really completely grasp the concept of living and death in the same way that adults do.

(32:29):

So that expression coming out his mouth was especially kind of alarming. But also for him, he was very hyperactive, not in the kind of traditional bouncing off the walls type of thing, but his energy, you could just feel it. I don’t know how to describe it apart from that, but you could just feel it. And he coupled with the kind of extreme impulsivity that he displayed oftentimes. That tied into the executive dysfunction meant that for him that looked like meltdowns over what to us just seemed like nothing. And a lot of times we couldn’t even get him to bring himself to talk to us what it was. I remember thinking it was kind of a breakthrough… This was after his diagnosis, but it was kind of a breakthrough moment when he had this meltdown, nothing works in that moment apart from just to let him write it out. There’s no point in trying to be negative. There’s really no point even in trying to be positive.

(33:37):

You just have to… Sometimes he wants you to just sit with him, which struggling with ADHD myself, is a challenge sometimes. But once he has passed that time and you can get into his head a little bit, generally that is a few hours later. Like he’s had this meltdown. We’ve gone about our day once he’s recovered and then we come back to it and talk about it. It was really a pivotal moment when I said, “What’s going on? What’s bothering you?” And he said, “I don’t know.” I felt like that was really insightful for a kid. It’s like he doesn’t know, and I think that is a big source of his frustration. And I recognize that because a lot of times I don’t know what is going on or why the cheese being in the wrong drawer tips me off the edge into rage or something.

Lindsay Guentzel (34:40):

I highly recommend going back and listening to this entire episode, Meredith Phillips in Going down the Rabbit Hole published on October 25th of last year. And Meredith, I can’t wait until we are overpacking to see one another sometime very soon.

(35:00):

Another voice you’ll hear next month is that of Al Chaplin, another name you might recognize if you’ve been a loyal Refocused listener for a while.

Al Chaplin (35:08):

Honestly, this has been one of my favorite projects to work on as I really feel like this podcast makes a difference in people’s lives and it has also made a difference in me understanding my own late diagnosis with ADHD. And I feel like if I would’ve never started working on the podcast or listening to the podcast, I would’ve never started to understand my own diagnosis or put in the work to understand my own diagnosis and I would not be where I am today in living with ADHD and figuring out how to function with ADHD.

Lindsay Guentzel (35:42):

Al came onto the team at the end of 2022 and has been my go-to whenever I need something done and I need it done well and I need it done fast. They’ve done a ton of work for us helping build up our presence on social media. And you’re going to see a lot of their work highlighted throughout the month of October as well.

(35:58):

One of the reasons I think I was drawn to highlighting some of my favorite moments from Refocused Together last year is that we never really got to digest everything that happened. It was such a mad rush to get the episodes out, and so by the time the end of the month came, I was kaputt. So I’m really happy we’re getting to go back now because so much stands out to me like this moment with Jeffrey Evans, the Washington dad whose later in life diagnosis came as he and his wife started exploring a possible diagnosis for their daughter. I really loved how the Evans spoke about ADHD in their home and how encouraging they were about sharing feelings and emotions because they were already seeing an impact on their then eight-year-old.

Jeffrey Evans (36:50):

We’ve seen it in action once or twice because at a party or something, she’ll get kind of uneasy if she’s with a friend, a new friends or something. She’ll get a little uneasy or something or she’ll go off on a tangent. And she’ll just very nonchalantly explain to them what anxiety is or what ADHD is or whatever to total strangers. She’s like, “Yeah, I have anxiety, so it means sometimes I worry about things that I probably don’t need to, but I can’t really turn it off. So this is just how I cope with it. Or I have ADHD, so I’ve already lost track of this conversation, but I’m thinking about foxes right now, so let’s talk about those.” All right, kiddo, roll with it. Let’s see what you got.

Lindsay Guentzel (37:28):

I love that.

(37:28):

I think what caught me off guard last year was just how open people were really willing to be, like Mary Llewellyn who shared that her ADHD diagnosis came shortly after she started therapy to start working on the grief following the loss of her husband.

Mary Llewellyn (37:44):

With my husband’s passing, I was able to gain some light into some difficulties we had in our relationship, things that I would do, behaviors that I would do that could be attributed to my ADHD that really caused problems in our relationship. And it made me sad, very sad actually because had I known what was going on and had I put in place some coping skills, I think our lives could have improved somewhat and our relationship could have improved quite a bit. I mean, we had a wonderful relationship. Don’t get me wrong. But it could have been better I guess.

Lindsay Guentzel (38:29):

We also learned that grief comes in all shapes and sizes, and that for a lot of people who discover their ADHD later in life, while there is relief, yes, there can also be a massive amount of guilt that can really be devastating and hard to overcome. It’s something that came up during our conversation with Louis Inglis during our final episode of Refocused Together 2022.

(38:55):

Do you have some grief? Because it kind of feels like there’s some stuff. And the only reason I ask that is because when you say projects, I imagine that it’s connected to your music and it’s something you’re passionate about.

Louis Inglis (39:07):

Yeah, yeah. Sort of stuff like I did for your podcast. Maybe stuff that’s a little bit more of a longer term thing or something. Working on other people’s music or something or doing things like that because there’s always the problem where it’s like, “Oh, if I’m not really into this, I don’t know if I can actually focus on it or do a good job with it.” It just has so many little barriers that get put up like that where it’s, “I can’t do this because I’m just not going to be able to get interested enough in it to actually do it. And I really don’t want to disappoint people because it’s that side of it as well.”

Lindsay Guentzel (39:42):

So it’s interesting because you had the wherewithal to say, “I don’t know that I can commit to this because I don’t know that I’m going to be interested enough and I don’t want to disappoint people, so I’m going to say no.” Where my response would be, “I don’t want to disappoint people, so I’m going to say yes and then I’m not going to be interested in it.” For both of us, it’s the terrible situation to be in.

Louis Inglis (40:06):

It’s just makes things so uncertain when you just can’t rely on being able to access the skills that you have in any given moment. It needs to weigh your self-confidence and it needs to weigh just your sense of the world because it can be a little bit maddening for sure.

Lindsay Guentzel (40:21):

Louis, another name you might recognize if you’ve been hanging out here for a while, he is the creator behind all of the music we use on the show.

(40:35):

There were lots of great moments for the podcast in these first 100 episodes that happened off-air. Being recognized by the Communicator Awards where we picked up highest honors in two categories, one for Series Causes and Awareness, and one for Series Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, we were also recognized with an award of distinction for Series in Education. In November, I attended my first international conference on ADHD in Dallas where I got to meet some of the guests I had just interviewed for Refocused Together and started the connections for some of the guests you’ll actually hear this year.

(41:10):

November was also an incredibly cool month because out of nowhere on November 15th, Refocused found itself as a clue and a crossword puzzle. Brooke Husic’s USA Today puzzle entitled Right Turn, number 52 across condition discussed in the podcast Refocused. I still have no idea how this happened, but it sent me down this rabbit hole of learning all I could about how crosswords are created, even looking into the one behind mine. So hi Brooke, just in case you’re listening, thank you so much for including us in the coolest thing ever.

(41:47):

See, right when this happened, my partner was in peak hyperfocus mode of his latest obsession, crosswords, like buying books at the checkout line Intuit. There was also a phone call one day where I learned that our local Target no longer carried crossword puzzle books. I had this perfect plan. I asked if we could settle in after dinner and he could show me how he does crossword puzzles, which we did. Only the reveal didn’t go quite as I had planned. It took us a long time to get to 52 across, like a really long time.

(42:22):

While the look on John’s face as he read the clue and I could see the dots connecting, while that was priceless, he had also been so excited that I had shown a vested interest in his hobby, that to have it not be about that bummed him out a little bit. But I truly mean this. I had such an enjoyable time working with him on it and I communicated that. It’s absolutely fascinating to see his brain work because it’s just so different from mine and he has all of these little tricks and workarounds to move through the puzzle that as a novice I would never have even thought about. And so I was so into it that by the time I heard him start to say 52 across, I’d sort of forgotten why we were there.

(43:07):

I’m probably sharing a little more than I should right now. My boyfriend was truly, genuinely so excited for me, but where we differ is he has no problem sharing his emotions, whereas I have spent my whole life holding them back, or worse, letting them fester. In that moment, he was so pumped and at the same time a little defeated because his own hopes had been dashed a bit.

(43:31):

Learning about my ADHD, a lot of which has come from working on this podcast and connecting with this incredible community and putting in the work to make me feel better and function better, while a very cool random career highlight kind of moment, it was also an opportunity of growth for us and for me. And while the truth of that might not be someone else’s example of an Instagrammable moment, or in this case, a podcastable moment, it was a real moment. And that’s what we all should be working towards anyway.

Cam (44:06):

I’ve been fortunate to work with Lindsay multiple times, both as a guest on her show and also as her hairstylist for some feature projects that we’ve done together. She is an incredible person and I really value the friendship that we’ve cultivated through working together. And I’m so grateful to her for creating this platform for us to be able to share our stories and to build community. It was very cathartic for me to be able to discuss my history with ADHD from my diagnosis to the strategies that I use to live successfully with it. And it’s really helped me to view my ADHD as more of a gift and not as much of a hindrance. So this process was incredible and I just know that the future will be bright for Lindsay and for this project and for anybody that’s as lucky to work with her as I have been.

Lindsay Guentzel (45:02):

You will all get this when I say it, hearing someone say nice things about me makes me feel very good and it also makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. And Cam, you know how I feel about you, and I’m so glad that we met after my diagnosis so I had the capacity and the tools to get to know you and call you a friend.

(45:21):

The last moment I’m going to share is from my chat with Dani Donovan, one of the OGs. When it comes to creating smart, informative, and factual information about ADHD on the web. Our chat for Refocused Together went everywhere. I would have expected nothing less. But one of the things Dani opened up about was realizing why growing up and making friends and keeping friends was so difficult for her. Those were boxes I hadn’t started to unpack yet, and she really kicked off a lot of self-reflection for me. I even go back to that night with the crossword. Sometimes I need to be reminded to take my blinders off.

(46:05):

Middle school was so hard for me, especially with friendships. And now I look back and I’m like-

Dani Donovan (46:09):

“Oh.”

Lindsay Guentzel (46:13):

“Oh. About that.” And even now as a 36-year-old, I’m like, “Friendships are still really hard.” But they were much harder.

Dani Donovan (46:20):

And there’s always invisible rules, all these weird, invisible rules. And the big thing I cannot handle is people who don’t wear their heart on their sleeves, who don’t tell you when something is bothering them. And I think that back to that communication thing, if something is bothering you, I need you to tell me.

(46:39):

I grew up in all these environments where people would just leave. They would just leave instead of having that hard conversation with me. And I finally had. I finally had a close friend who was like, “Hey, I love you so much. It hurts my feelings when you interrupt me because it makes me feel like you don’t care about what I have to say.” And that hurt, but it was accurate. And so since then, I’m not perfect about it, but I became a lot more conscious of when I did it and I’d be like, “Oh, sorry. Hang on, go ahead.” And I still have the interrupt and then the “hang on,” which is a progress. And now I just do it a bit less or remember when I’m done with what I’m saying to ask them to finish the thing they were saying.

(47:22):

But that’s what growth looks like. It requires a level of maturity. And so I think when we’re younger, I would say it makes sense that people aren’t willing to have those hard conversations because they’re like, “I am in 7th grade and I am still developing and I do not have the emotional maturity to be like, ‘Hey, we need to have a frank but uncomfortable conversation’.” It’s a lot easier for people to nope out, but now being able to have those types of relationships with people, it’s a different ballgame.

Lindsay Guentzel (47:59):

As you’ll probably understand, it was nearly impossible to pick a list of favorite moments from our first 100 episodes, the whole paralysis-analysis scenario most of us have been faced with before. But it was also really nice to go back and hear what we were able to create and share with you. And it makes me so excited for the future of Refocused. And I’m already thinking of ways for us to go back to these conversations in the future. Sarah, you can add this to the list of ideas for later in 2024.

(48:31):

The last few months have been, without a doubt, the most difficult of my life. I feel so lucky that I’ve been able to focus my energy on this podcast. It’s what’s helped me get through it all. We’ve been focused on pulling together Season 2 of Refocused Together, our special project that shares the stories of 31 people with ADHD each day during the month of October, which kicks off now in just a matter of hours.

(48:58):

We created Refocused Together because we saw the power in connection, in being able to see yourself in someone else, in knowing you aren’t alone. And I guess that’s how I’ve looked at this podcast. Throughout learning about my new dermatomyositis diagnosis, and even with these most recent setbacks, all of you listeners and my incredible production team have truly made me feel less alone. I’m so excited for you to all hear the stories we have lined up for you this year.

(49:27):

To catch all of the 31 stories this month, subscribe to Refocused wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also learn more about the project by checking out a adhdonline.com/refocusedtogether. Thank you all so much for listening today and for making Refocused a part of your lives. It really means so much to me that you all are here and I am so excited about the future. Thank you.

(49:57):

Refocused is a collaboration between me, Lindsay Guentzel, and ADHD Online, a telemedicine mental healthcare company that provides affordable and accessible ADHD assessments and treatment plans. To learn how they can help you on your journey, head to a adhdonline.com.

(50:13):

I’ve got great news for you. ADHD Online is offering our listeners $20 off their ADHD Online assessment. All you have to do is use the discount code REFOCUSED20 to get started today. A huge thanks to my managing editor, Sarah Platanitis, who is instrumental in building these conversations for you guys. She’s the yin to my ADHD brain, yang, and I am so lucky to have her on the team. Our coordinating producer, Phil Rodemann, leads the way for all of our episode production, helping fine tune our recording process and assisting with editing responsibilities. And Al Chaplin is our go-to for all things social media and I love what they’ve been creating for us. Make sure to give it a like and a follow @RefocusedPod over on Instagram.

(51:00):

Refocused couldn’t happen without my partners, turned friends, at ADHD Online. High fives to the ones I bugged the most, Keith Boswell, Claudia Gotti, Melanie Mile, Suzanne Sprewit, and Trisha Merchant-Dunny. Our show art was created by Sissy Yee of Berlin Grey, and our music was created by Louis Inglis, a singer-songwriter from Perth Australia, who was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020 at the age of 39. Finally, a big thanks to Mason Nelle over at DEKSIA in Grand Rapids, Michigan for all of his help in getting our videos ready to share with you guys.

(51:32):

Links to all of the partners we work with are available in the show notes. To connect with the show or with me, you can find us online @RefocusedPod as well as @LindsayGuentzel. And you can email the show directly, [email protected]. That’s [email protected]. Take care of yourselves. And in an effort to reduce the unbelievable amount of stress we all carry around with us unnecessarily, be a little kinder to yourselves this week.