Tyler Dorsey is an ADHDer turned ADHD life coach. She is excited to be able to share all things ADHD with our readers through the lens of her personal and professional experience.
By Tyler Dorsey
Time and time again, those of us with ADHD hear the word “lazy” in association with our actions. It could be someone saying it about us or something we say about ourselves.
Every single time we hear the word “lazy” as a description of us as a human, it takes away a piece of our confidence. Over time, without even realizing it, we form a core belief that we are lazy.
The reality is that we aren’t lazy. You see, those of us with ADHD face obstacles in every move we make.
Here are several examples of areas where we might struggle — and that can result in others perceiving us as lazy:
|
ADHD Perspective |
Non-ADHD Perspective |
|
We struggle to get started and then become overwhelmed. This results in not getting started and instead giving up. |
We just do not want to do the task, so we choose not to. |
|
We underestimate or overestimate how long a task will take us, resulting in us putting it off. We then end up not getting it done on time, if at all. |
We are always procrastinating until the last minute. |
|
We are told to get something done and turn around to do it, getting distracted by something else and completely forgetting to complete the task we were just told to do. |
We aren’t listening. |
|
We have our to-do list and get done the more interesting tasks and end up not completing the other tasks. |
We can do the things we are interested in, so we should be able to do the things we are not interested in. We are just choosing not to. |
In none of these scenarios are we being lazy. But that is how it may come across to those who may not understand the ADHD brain.
Over time, as we continue to feel defeated by these obstacles, our inaction grows and our motivation to try declines. I mean, why try — and fail — when you can get the same result without trying? Especially when people already believe we are lazy.
This thought process is what directly translates into inaction and keeps us in the cycle we are in. We are not lazy. Our ADHD struggles get in the way of our success.
It doesn’t have to be that way. The change starts with understanding how ADHD is impacting each of us uniquely so we can take appropriate steps to break the cycle and squash the belief that we are lazy — once and for all.
How do we do this? It starts with diving deeper into understanding what ADHD is. Many of our clients at Focus Forward come to us with their own understanding of ADHD. When we start diving into the struggles with emotional regulation, memory, time management, organization, planning, prioritizing, motivation and more, they have an “aha” moment. All of a sudden, they realize that all of the time that the word lazy has been used to describe their behavior, there is a bigger explanation for their inaction. The reality is that their struggles with ADHD are about more than just attention, hyperactivity and impulsivity.
I want to give you something you can do right now when you are done reading this blogpost to help you get out of this cycle.
To start, download The ADHD Success Plan. Work through this worksheet to help you determine exactly how ADHD is uniquely impacting you. Diving into every aspect of how ADHD is impacting you is going to help you recognize the struggles you are facing on a deeper level. With this new self-awareness, you will be able to better understand why the laundry hasn’t been folded in over a month, the to-do list at work/school is only getting bigger and not smaller, and why you forget things so quickly.
Now that you can see exactly how ADHD is impacting every area of your life, you can start to see that you aren’t lazy. We struggle with ADHD, and so we have to build tools, systems and routines that fit our brains and set us up for success.
I want to leave you with this. The journey with ADHD is a lifetime journey. It isn’t going away but it doesn’t have to be miserable. Switching the belief from “I’m lazy” to “I have ADHD and can find tools that work for me” is the first step in managing your ADHD — instead of letting it manage you.
Every time you find yourself giving in to the idea that you are lazy … stop! Instead, take a moment to write down (yes, physically write down) all the reasons you are not lazy and how your ADHD is playing a role. Then, take a moment to write down what you are supposed to be doing and break it into small steps. From there, take it one step at a time.
We aren’t lazy people. We just get distracted and overwhelmed easily. And that’s OK!
