Julian Henderson (00:01):

I was a lot more quiet, I was more… And because I’m deaf, not a lot of people talk to me. That was really difficult. So my ADHD kind of went more… It became quiet, but it just was all in my brain, in my head.

Lindsay Guentzel (00:26):

You’re listening to Refocused, Together, and this is episode 12, Julian Henderson and the intersection of deafness and ADHD. Welcome back to Refocused, a podcast all about ADHD. I’m your host, Lindsay Guentzel. When we share stories, we find the perspective, ideas, and tips that help us live our best lives. That’s what makes me so excited about Refocused, Together, our series for ADHD Awareness Month, where we’re interviewing 31 different people throughout the month of October. Because while we may be different, we are all united by our own ADHD journeys.

(01:15):

Julian Henderson’s ADHD diagnosis was a long time coming. He’s always wondered if he had it. Growing up as the only deaf person in a hearing family, it was imperative that he develop workarounds, things like reading lips, and interrupting people to grab their attention. Julian was constantly interpreting his life, as his first language was American Sign Language, and it was easy for him to get caught up in all of the things his busy brain had to do in order to keep up. He always had to be on, and that’s a lot of executive functioning required for a young kid to just exist in the world. In school, Julian struggled with things like turning homework in on time and being tardy. In third grade, a psychologist assessed him, and concluded that he was simply a hyperactive and distracted kid. After high school, he went to college. For five years, he struggled to keep up, and even failed a few classes.

(02:21):

Then Julian sought help from his doctor, who referred him to a psychologist, who diagnosed him with ADHD. Julian has been learning how not to let his ADHD control him ever since. Not one to waste the day, he works as a paraprofessional at Ohio School for the Deaf, has acted in two short films, and found a subject he truly enjoys; information technology, and hopes one day for it to become his career. Let’s connect with Julian about his life with ADHD, how diagnosis can be a great relief and challenge, and his hopes for becoming more involved and finding his place in the ADHD community.

(03:12):

What’s great about these interviews, Julian, is that we ask everyone the same questions, and they start with when were you diagnosed, and what was your diagnosis like?

Julian Henderson (03:23):

My diagnosis was about three years ago, right around when COVID was starting to get crazy. And how was it? I guess to me it was a long time coming, because I was struggling. Because it was during college, I was in school, I was in class, and so I remember people telling me, “You should go talk to a psychologist or something about it, go talk to your doctor.” And I knew it in my head too, that there was something, a bunch of ADHD things going on with me. But it was a long time coming, and when I found out, I wasn’t too surprised. But I was surprised about what came with it, about all the extra stuff, so that was interesting.

Lindsay Guentzel (04:21):

You said it was a long time coming. What stood out to you leading up to the diagnosis? And then following, finding out that you did in fact have ADHD, what were some of the things that stood out as symptoms of how it shows up in your life?

Julian Henderson (04:38):

The biggest things was I was just very easily, I guess, distracted. I would interrupt people in conversations, which, in my case, as a deaf person, I think growing up I always try to grab attention. If you say something that’s really interesting, I would have a habit of interrupting. I’m getting better at that, but that was one of the things that stood out. And okay, well, actually the biggest thing is I forgot things. I forget things a lot and I was late a lot. Those were the things that would be big things that would happen, not just sometimes, but all the time.

Lindsay Guentzel (05:26):

And you mentioned that there is some crossover with some of those symptoms, and then kind of, in a sense, some of the coping strategies you’ve developed as a deaf person to live in a world where you have to catch people’s attention sometimes. How were you able to separate some of those things to kind of decipher what was ADHD, and what was you just living a life that wasn’t built for you?

Julian Henderson (05:52):

I will say it was difficult. You don’t know, but I am profoundly deaf without my hearing aids. Without my hearing aids, I can live in that world perfectly fine. I don’t know if these symptoms will be the way it is, if I can live in that world only. Because ASL is my first language, so it’s rather simple that way. But I think growing up with my hearing aid, and being the only deaf person in my family, everything would be lost. So I would just be very vigilant and wanting to be heard. So I would probably be the loudest, not knowing that I’m the loudest. I would have to let it known that this is what I’m saying, and stuff like that.

(06:48):

So I guess it took a while for me to really realize kind of weird amount of one, me wanting to be heard isn’t probably an ADHD thing, but all that information I’m getting? It’s just so much. Now that, probably definitely, it’s an ADHD thing. Those were the biggest one. I just have all this information and some of them I’m deciphering, I’m reading lips all day. I think that’s probably the biggest thing, is just all that information, and it’s just so much, it’s a little overwhelming.

Lindsay Guentzel (07:29):

It sounds overwhelming, because I know how busy my brain is, and I’m walking through life not having to read lips all day, and not having to know if I’m going to be able to communicate properly with the people that I’m going to interact with. And then here you are, taking in all of that. And I’m wondering in the diagnostic process, how did being a deaf person affect that for you? Were there any additional barriers that you had to deal with? When you’re dealing with the healthcare system, you have this added step that you have to go through to make sure that you can communicate properly.

Julian Henderson (08:05):

Yeah. Sometimes getting interpreters are difficult. Now, for people who don’t use hearing aids, who don’t talk, it’s rather simple. Not simple, but it’s easier for them. “Hey, I just want an interpreter, and I need an interpreter.” For me it’s like, “Do I need an interpreter? Maybe I do, because maybe the therapist got a big, long beard, and I can’t read his lips.” It’s just a lot of that going on. Thankfully, the guy that I had, he had a mustache thing going on, not a beard, like a little scruff, so I could read lips fine, and he had an understandable voice, is what I’m saying. So there is barriers in that, and do I need an interpreter? Is the interpreter good? And all that stuff.

(09:04):

And I don’t think there is, once we’re in the room together, I think there is a barrier where the person may not understand much about deafness, and how much my deafness plays into ADHD, or how much it is just deafness, maybe it’s not ADHD. How well in-depth are they in the deaf community? So, that’s probably a barrier there. But I think most of all, there’s not that much of a barrier, that he was able to see that, “You do have an issue, you do have a problem that can be improved,” or whatever.

Lindsay Guentzel (09:52):

What have you done since your diagnosis to work on some of the things that were a struggle for you with having ADHD?

Julian Henderson (10:01):

That’s something I’ve been working on, is really figuring out being consistent, is being consistent. I would say because COVID happened, what, three years ago? Was it three or four years ago?

Lindsay Guentzel (10:14):

March of 2020.

Julian Henderson (10:16):

2020, yes. So three years ago, okay, over three years ago. So during those two years of, we weren’t really going out much, we were really stuck. So I don’t know if I could say I was working on how to improve, because there wasn’t really much for me to do much. So, this past, what, year or two? Is kind of like me learning what works and what doesn’t work. I’m not the biggest fan of therapy, counseling. I am not good with feelings. Yesterday, I actually went to the doctor to get back on my meds, because my doctor moved, and I had to do all the whole thing about getting a new doctor. And I already did all that yesterday, and I am getting into therapy, and that’s really good. So that’s one of the things that I’m doing now.

(11:17):

But the little things is just like I have a whiteboard, I have an alarm. I am fairly new in this process of figuring out what works for me and what doesn’t. It’s been a little difficult, but the biggest thing I know is consistency, is staying with it for a long time. That’s been a struggle.

Lindsay Guentzel (11:42):

I’m wondering how neurodiversity is embraced in the deaf community, and obviously this is a newer diagnosis for you.

Julian Henderson (11:50):

I think in the deaf community, it’s still kind of looked at as a stereotypical way of how ADHD is viewed, like, “Squirrel!” That type of thing. Or, “You’re being a little air headed right now” type thing. There’s not enough awareness in the deaf community just yet. And it’s starting to be, there’s conversations. I work at a deaf school, so I can tell if there’s a kid who definitely seems to have ADHD, for sure. I can tell, I used to be that kid. Or I can wean them out just by looking at my own self and them. And I guess it’s not as… The deaf community, it’s not well-versed on this just yet. Hopefully get there.

Lindsay Guentzel (12:53):

You mentioned a little bit about some of the things that stood out as you were going through the diagnostic process. In your everyday life, what’s the biggest struggle for you with managing your ADHD?

Julian Henderson (13:03):

Communicating my thoughts effectively. I know that’s probably because English isn’t my first, my confident language, I would say. ASL is. But because there’s so many things in my brain, and I have trouble putting out, or pulling out things I want to say or just, I guess, saying them articulately, something like that. I think that’s one of the biggest things I struggle every day. So if there’s a problem that arises and I’ve been confronted, I’m lost at what to say. I have a lot to say, but I’ll say just a few things, and then that’s what I got. So I think that’s the biggest struggle, all this going on, and not being able to just organize them, I guess.

Lindsay Guentzel (14:04):

How have you navigated accessibility barriers in your everyday life? Specifically looking at the impact of being both a person who is deaf and someone who has ADHD.

Julian Henderson (14:16):

Oh, I think in one things, in school, because there’s a lot more information about ADHD for testing and stuff like that. Knowing that I am deaf and have ADHD, they are more helpful in accommodating my needs and stuff like that. Whereas maybe a while ago, that wouldn’t have been the case. But I think it helps me more. But in my everyday life, I’m not sure yet.

Lindsay Guentzel (14:52):

And how much does technology play a role in you managing everyday life? You mentioned a little bit about the alarms. I have to imagine that using tech all the time probably has an impact on your ADHD, because tech isn’t foolproof, and mistakes happen, things shut down, there are errors. And I know for me that brings on a lot of frustration, and I’m not using them as a necessity in life, they’re an added benefit. Whereas for you, a lot of the stuff I imagine you use is tech-connected.

Julian Henderson (15:30):

Yeah, that is true. And I think sometimes, because I use tech heavily, it gets kind of overwhelming, because I have so much. I can’t tell you how many times I went through a bunch of different apps that does the same thing, and they’ll work for a while, and then I’m like, “You know what? I don’t use it much.” And then I’ll use a different app. But they do the same thing. Like a scheduling app, or what else? Like alarm. I used to use Alarmy at one point, that one’s… So it’s a lot. But some of them that are a necessity, like an alarm, like just a phone that vibrates. My hearing aid had a Bluetooth, that’s been very helpful. And I don’t know how, that would be nice, and I think about this, it’s just an intrusive thought, but it would be cool if my hearing aid could be attached to the iPad, and I could do this without the headphones. But then again, I don’t know how that would be interesting.

(16:45):

Anyway, the tech is a plus and minus; some of them very overwhelming, some of them are a necessity. Like this. There’s, what do they call it? A sourcing VRS, like a VP, video phone. You’ll be an interpreter and I’ll call you, and call someone like a pizza place. Call the pizza place, you’ll be facilitating the conversation. That’s a necessity. I need that. So, they play a really huge role in struggle.

Lindsay Guentzel (17:20):

In those moments where they don’t work, how do you manage the emotional dysregulation that we know can come from being a person with ADHD where it’s supposed to work? I deal with this every day. It’s supposed to work. I’ve set it all up, or I’m paying for it, and it’s supposed to work, and then it doesn’t work, and I melt down. And so I’m curious how you manage that, because you’re using these things all the time.

Julian Henderson (17:46):

Usually, I would go down, I would feel… Not go down, I’ll feel down. I think I’ll overcompensate when something doesn’t go right, and that would usually mean that I’m missing something. So if I’m overcompensating, that means I’m just going full throttle, and not really slowing down, and just recognizing what’s going on. That usually happens. There was a time when my hearing aid… What happened to it? I lost my hearing aid, and I went maybe three or four months without it. To me, I am okay with silence and all that stuff, but I would say physically my ADHD wasn’t like, “I have to go do something”, but it all migrated into my head and it was just so much. It was just a lot. And I was a lot more quiet, I was more… And because I’m deaf, not a lot of people talk to me. That was really difficult. So my ADHD kind of went more… It became quiet, but it just was all in my brain, in my head. It’s been interesting.

Lindsay Guentzel (19:07):

I’m wondering how finding out about your ADHD affected the relationships in your life. You’re married, you have children, so now you have this added thing to take care of. And on top of that, you also then are navigating life as a deaf person, so you have to adjust your life for these people that are in it. How has that transition been like?

Julian Henderson (19:32):

To be honest, it’s been very hard. Being a father is… They’re 17 months old, so like a year old, so it’s kind of new. So it’s an added pressure than being a father had been. And being deaf, just navigating these different parts of me, this new me? Been interesting. It’s kind of hard, because I can’t be doing the same things. But these same things, just in terms of my ADHD, it feels like it’s holding me back. When things are going well, my ADHD kind of plays a part, like I’m on it; I’m helping the kid, I’m playing with them, doing all these things. I think I’m navigating the good times well. The hard times is when I crumble, I don’t know, “What do I do?” So that’s where therapy’s going to become helpful pretty soon.

Lindsay Guentzel (20:39):

I love therapy. I will say that. I encourage everyone to do it. I know it’s so hard, but it has been such a game changer for me. But it’s just so nice to have that person there who is impartial, and all they want is for you to be the best person you can be. And that’s my soapbox, I’ll get off of that right now. We’ll come back to the conversation. But I am really, really proud of you for, one, acknowledging that it’s not easy, and that you’re a little afraid of it, but that you also know that it’s hopefully going to help.

Julian Henderson (21:12):

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. When my wife found out I had ADHD, one, she wasn’t too surprised. She wasn’t surprised at all. But she was on it. She really wanted to learn what works for me and what’s not. She started to not expecting me to know what’s going on, but she’ll tell me ahead of time, “This is what we’re going to do.” A lot of things changed from there. That’s been really good, even though that sometimes what she would tell me, let me know, I’ll forget. She still shows this different kind of patience, which is really cool. That’s really good. And my parents, I think they knew, they just didn’t know for sure. So yeah, people started to recognize my ADHD and started to, I guess, communicate with me in a way that helps me.

Lindsay Guentzel (22:12):

When you look at life right now, with everything you’ve got going on, where do you see yourself thriving?

Julian Henderson (22:18):

Well, first of all, when I’m back on my meds, that will be good. And when I’m able to be more consistent with things around in my life. I think that’s one of the things I struggle with, is being consistent. I think one of the things is when I am, I feel that I am more positive, and I know I’m confident, that, “This is what’s going to happen, this is how it’s going to happen.” And then I have a part in communicating, and that’s where I feel like, “Wow, I can see myself thriving.” And it’s when things are consistent, when I feel consistent. If things are not doing well, as long as I’m being consistent, I think things will be fine.

Lindsay Guentzel (23:06):

How has sharing your experience on social media impacted you, both as a person who is deaf and also a person now who has ADHD?

Julian Henderson (23:16):

I think that’s been really good, just seeing a lot of people commenting that they struggle, have the same struggles, deaf and hearing, and that’s really cool, because I used to think that my… I know everyone with ADHD is a little different, but there are bigger ones that are just… They’re very common, I would say, they’re the same. I’m going through the same thing you are, so I can talk about it with you too. But that’s been really cool, especially with the deaf community, because it’s still a little new, or it’s still a very stereotypical view of it. So sharing on social media has been fun, and there’s a little community, and that’s been great.

(24:02):

Hopefully as I continue, I can impact people’s lives more, once I’m able to also become more and more aware in my ADHD, and I would love to be one of the leaders in that, because there’s not a lot of deaf people out there just talking about their struggles with ADHD and how they’re thriving. And I know there are a lot of kids who are deaf out there that no one notices. They just think it’s because they’re deaf, and they’re just drowning. There is a language part of it too, so that they can see me and they can see, “Wow, I want that.” So I think that’s something I’m really looking forward and seeing thriving.

Lindsay Guentzel (24:53):

It’s so important to know you’re not alone, and I think that is the best thing that comes out of the internet. It’s definitely got its faults, for sure, but being able to connect with someone on something that can feel so isolating? I think the second I started opening up about my own experience, and realizing that what was going on in my head was something other people struggled with, and to know that I would have understood that a lot earlier, had other people been talking about it? That level of awareness is just so important.

Julian Henderson (25:25):

Yeah, I agree. Just people, I think not only people with… Well, yeah, with people with ADHD, I feel like they have all these things, they just keep it inside, and not really talking about their experiences. And I think it goes a long way when people are able to open up.

Lindsay Guentzel (25:44):

I’m wondering what’s giving you hope right now? What is something that is kind of propelling you forward?

Julian Henderson (25:48):

To be honest, things like this, because I listened to your podcast before. Other platforms and people who have the same struggle as I do, and seeing how they’re succeeding, that gives me hope, for sure, that I can succeed too. That’s the first thing in my mind. That’s the first thing that gives me hope, for sure. Because sometimes, when I’m struggling, which I have been, it just feels like nothing’s going to fix what’s going on, and so I just feel like they’re going to give up. Stuff like this, especially this, is something that really does give me hope.

Lindsay Guentzel (26:33):

Well, we’re so appreciative of you sharing your story with us on Refocused, and I will tell you, you mentioned consistency. That is something that is such a struggle for me in life, but is also the biggest key to keeping anything on the tracks, and I love that you see what we’re doing and you’re like, “Oh, that’s so motivating.” But I will tell you, behind closed doors, I have the same ADHD struggles as everyone, and I find so much inspiration from these conversations, because I learn so much, and it has been kind of my crash course in learning everything about ADHD, is interviewing people like yourself, and then getting to bring that to the bigger community, is just kind of, as cliche as it sounds, like it feels like a life purpose. It feels like what I’m supposed to be doing.

Julian Henderson (27:22):

Mm, yeah. Yeah. I think that’s awesome.

Lindsay Guentzel (27:27):

You feel the same way about the stuff you’re putting on social. It’s incredible. The stuff you put out is engaging and relatable, and you’re able to connect with so many people, and that is so important.

Julian Henderson (27:37):

Thank you. I try. I try.

Lindsay Guentzel (27:40):

I want to wrap up by asking what is something you wish people knew or understood better about ADHD?

Julian Henderson (27:47):

One thing I would get out the way is if we see a squirrel, we don’t always look at the squirrel. Okay? I’m just going to get that out the way. But one thing is that it’s not that we’re pretending, it’s not something… I don’t know what the word is. We’re not playing games, that this ADHD thing is not… It’s a real brain issue. It does hinder us, for sure. It is not just that we’re distracted, we are literally distracted by the things that are in our head, and by other things. It’s easy for us to do that. If more people are aware and know that ADHD is a brain problem, I think they would look at us and treat us better than, “Oh, you see a squirrel?” Or whatever.

Lindsay Guentzel (28:53):

Yeah. The good old ADHD tropes, it’s the squirrel and then the superpower, and I am in the middle on both of them.

Julian Henderson (29:01):

Or even the, “Are you hyperfocusing right now?” Which is okay, I get it, but it’s a cool thing, but it’s not like, “It’s a superpower.” No, I don’t think hyperfocus is my superpower. There’s many parts about ADHD that’s positive, not just… Because hyperfocusing is a bad thing sometimes too, right?

Lindsay Guentzel (29:22):

I also love that the idea of hyperfocusing is people think that our brain is actually only thinking about one thing in that moment, which is just never true.

Julian Henderson (29:31):

Yes.

Lindsay Guentzel (29:34):

Last thing I want to know, what advice would you give to someone who is deaf and is now newly diagnosed with ADHD?

Julian Henderson (29:41):

Listening to the people who love you and they see, “Hey, you might want to get checked out.” Definitely take that into consideration. Definitely do your research, and be open about what’s going on. Yeah, I think that’s the biggest thing, is just be open. If people say that you might have ADHD, it’s not because… There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s a good thing. So, I think just be open, and go after it, and I think you’ll find something worthwhile.

Lindsay Guentzel (30:14):

That was a perfect way to wrap it up. Julian, this was such a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here, and for the work and energy you’re putting into the ADHD community as well as the deaf community, and we’re so grateful to you and we can’t wait to see what’s next. And again, this was really, really enlightening. I really appreciate it.

Julian Henderson (30:37):

Thank you. Thank you for having me here, and talking to me, and thank you for what you do, especially. I think your videos and what you do really help and enlightens us, and we learn a lot about ourselves.

Lindsay Guentzel (30:59):

I learned so much during my time chatting with Julian. It opened my eyes to some of the added complexities Julian has to deal with as both a deaf person and a person with ADHD. One of the biggest things that stood out for me was when Julian talked about lip-reading. It takes a lot of energy for him. He mentioned how challenging it can be having to read lips all day long, and how busy his brain gets. And then there’s a worry about whether or not he’s able to communicate properly with a person that’s a necessity in his life.

(31:33):

Lip-reading is a technique that involves carefully watching the lip patterns and movement of the tongue and face of the person speaking to understand what they’re saying. For people who are deaf or hard of hearing, lip-reading is an important communication tool that they rely on. Though it’s estimated that only 30 to 40% of speech sounds can be lip-read, and these estimates are for conversations in the best conditions. Add in variables outside of his control, like if his doctor has a beard, and it can be become an even more taxing part of Julian’s day. Just being mindful of the different ways people communicate can help you be a more effective communicator.

(32:18):

Here are a few tips for communicating more effectively with someone like Julian, who reads lips. First, always provide context for what you’re saying. This can help the person understand the topic and follow along more easily. Second, position yourself so the person can clearly see your face. Avoid standing with your back to bright light, as this can make it difficult to see your facial expressions. Finally, try to keep your gestures and facial expressions natural, and avoid moving around too much. This can make it easier for the person to follow your lips. Remember, small adjustments can make a big difference in making communication more accessible for everyone.

(33:06):

I, and maybe many listeners, could totally relate when Julian talked about his reservations about therapy, but still being open to it and seeing its potential for help. It’s hard to open up to a therapist or a counselor, even more so if you’ve had a not so great experience and are trying to find one that’s a good match to help you with all things ADHD. Learning that ADHD is the root of our struggles can bring so much relief. Some of these struggles can really ding a person’s self-esteem, making it harder for them to take the steps needed to care for themselves. That extends to relationships, work, and many other places, but the chipping away at ourselves often makes us risk-averse, and limited in our forward movement, because we feel like we don’t deserve to find relief.

(34:00):

According to the experts at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, when a person has healthy self-esteem, they feel good about themselves, and see themselves as deserving of respect and care. When a person has low self-esteem, they put very little value on their opinions and ideas, so much so that they worry they aren’t good enough for respect and care. An ADHD diagnosis is the beginning of the process of building back self-esteem. When we get the why, then we can figure out the how. That means we can better learn to understand our emotions so we can talk about them, and over time, difficulties and challenges can feel less daunting.

(34:46):

I’m so grateful to Julian for sharing his story here with us on Refocused, Together. To connect with him on social, you can find all of the links in our show notes. We’ve also shared links to more resources on communicating through lip-reading, as well as some articles that dive further into the connection between self-esteem and ADHD.

(35:07):

I can’t believe we are almost at the halfway point. If you’ve been loving the stories we’ve shared with you so far, we’d love to hear from you. You can connect with the show through Instagram @refocusedpod, or shoot us an email, [email protected]. And of course, if you haven’t already, make sure to subscribe to Refocused wherever you listen to podcasts, so you don’t miss any of the stories we’re sharing with you this month.

(35:36):

Support for Refocused comes from our partner, ADHD Online, a telemedicine mental healthcare company that provides affordable and accessible ADHD assessments and treatment plans. To learn how they can help you on your journey, head to ADHDonline.com, and remember to use the promo code refocused20 to receive $20 off your ADHD online assessment right now.

(36:08):

The biggest thanks go out to our team at ADHD Online, Keith Boswell, Susanne Spruit, Melanie Meyrl, Claudia Gatti, and Tricia Mirchandani for their constant support in helping make Refocused, Together happen. These 31 episodes were produced thanks to our managing editor, Sarah Platanitis, our production coordinator, Phil Rodemann, social media specialist and editor, Al Chaplin, and me, the host and executive producer of Refocused, Lindsey Guentzel. To connect with the show on social media, you can find us online @refocusedpod, and you can email the show directly, [email protected]. That’s [email protected].