If you’re in therapy to help manage ADHD (or anything else), odds are you’ve found yourself reflecting on your sessions after they’re over. And as you replay those conversations, you may have a certain nagging thought: Did I share too much?
Vulnerability is a critical part of the therapy process. Openly discussing your thoughts, experiences, fears, and emotions can leave you feeling exposed and second-guessing what you chose to divulge. But here’s the good news: There’s really no such thing as oversharing in therapy.
“To be clear, you cannot overshare with your therapist,” says Amy Marschall, Psy.D. ”If there is a topic that the therapist wants to explore later, or they are worried you could become triggered before they help you develop the skills to navigate that, they will guide and redirect as appropriate.”
ADHD and the fear of oversharing
The fear of oversharing can feel particularly intense for people with ADHD. Some may blurt out thoughts unintentionally. Others may be self-conscious of talking about themselves or their interests. “ADHD sometimes makes it harder to tell if other people are interested in what you’re saying,” says Kara Nassour, LPC, NCC.
Even once you realize that it’s normal, and even expected, to divulge personal details during therapy, you may still feel regret about sharing too much.
“In my work with ADHD clients, it is incredibly common for them to apologize for how much they talk, for what they share and for expressing emotions, specifically when they cry,” says Candin Phillips, LPCS. “Many grew up hearing over and over again that they talk too much, that they share intimate information too soon or that their emotions are too much. So they feel ashamed when they do those things in therapy.”
Why you might regret sharing something
There are many reasons you may second-guess opening up to a therapist. Maybe you shared something uncomfortable. Maybe you admitted something for the first time. Maybe you’re used to masking ADHD symptoms and surprised yourself when you let that mask down.
Fortunately, your therapist is the last person you should worry about judging you. There are few places where the term “judgment-free zone” is more applicable than therapy.
“When clients apologize for crying or becoming upset, I tell them, ‘If you can’t cry in your appointment with a psychologist, when can you?’,” says Marschall.
What to do if you think you’ve overshared
If you share something in session and instantly regret it, don’t hesitate to tell your therapist you’re not ready to discuss further. If the regret hits later, bring it up the next session. Explaining why something felt uncomfortable may make you feel better and help your therapist navigate future conversations.
“I’m grateful when clients tell me they feel uneasy,” Phillips says. “It helps me understand how hard honest expression is for them outside of therapy.”
Good therapists will help you explore these feelings, not judge you for having them. From these vulnerable discussions come new insights and an opportunity for growth and real progress.
How much should you share?
There’s no perfect ratio when it comes to how much to share, however, the more your therapist knows about what you’re thinking and feeling, the better equipped they are to support you.
It can feel unnatural to open up, but remember that your therapist wants to hear what you have to say. In fact, it’s one of the most important parts of their job.
“A lot of my work with ADHD clients is helping them take down their defenses,” says therapist Franki Bagdade, LMSW. “They’ve been on the receiving end of negative feedback for so long. I help them see their strengths and understand their struggles.”
If you’re still unsure, don’t hesitate to ask if you’re sharing too much. The likely outcome is that your therapist will reassure you that you’re doing just fine.
Go at your own pace
While it’s worth digging deeper into the moments you feel uncomfortable after opening up in therapy, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
“If a client feels unsafe or judged, that’s on the therapist,” says Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, Psy.D. “It’s our job to make clients feel seen, heard, and validated.”
And if you’re not ready to open up right away, that’s also perfectly fine. Therapy is a gradual process that happens at your pace. But the more open you are, the more progress you’ll make.
Clinically reviewed by Amy Marschall, PsyD. Dr Marschall has been a licensed psychologist since 2016 and currently owns a private practice, RMH-Therapy, where she provides therapy primarily to children and adolescents and does psychological evaluations and also provides ADHD assessments through ADHD Online.
