fbpx

How to Talk About Having ADHD

 

By Sarah Ludwig Rausch

While there’s less stigma around mental health disorders in general, there’s still plenty when it comes to attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. I found this out quickly when I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s. My husband’s response to my diagnosis was: “But only kids have that!” One of my best friends completely dismissed it, saying: “Well, doesn’t EVERYONE have a little ADHD?” Others responded with skepticism or confusion.

As with many mental health issues, there are a variety of misconceptions surrounding ADHD. Most people don’t understand what ADHD really is. They don’t know it affects adults as well as children, or that brain scans actually show an ADHD brain has impaired activity compared to a more typical brain.

“Sadly, there is still a mighty strong stigma about having ADHD,” says Terry Matlen, LMSW, founder of ADDconsults and Queens of Distraction. “People think those with ADHD just need to ‘try harder;’ that they are lazy, incompetent, or just not very bright.”

In addition to the many struggles people with ADHD experience, Matlen says there’s an added layer of difficulty because it’s an invisible condition. Because of this, “So many of us—I have ADHD as well—are not taken seriously,” she explains.

Considering the potential for stigma and misunderstanding, how can you talk to other people about having ADHD, especially if you’ve recently been diagnosed?

Understand Your ADHD

Before you tell others about your ADHD, Matlen stresses how crucial it is to understand it — and how it impacts you. “I find that many adults who first get diagnosed want to tell the world about it—that now there’s something identifiable that explains their difficulty,” she says.

Instead, Matlen advises taking the time to explore your new diagnosis. How does it affect you emotionally? How can you rethink your perception of yourself now that you know you’re a person with an ADHD brain? “Let it sink in,” Matlen advises.

You may want to see a counselor to help you absorb your new diagnosis, Matlen says. She also recommends working with an ADHD coach, attending webinars and conferences, and joining support groups and organizations for adults with ADHD.

Read as much as you can about ADHD too, Matlen says. “Learning more about your own ADHD will help you in your relationships with others. You’ll be armed with more information about ADHD in general and its effect on you,” she says.

Decide Who to Tell

Once you feel confident about your diagnosis and your understanding of it, think about who you want to tell. For example, if you feel you need some changes at work to increase your productivity, you may want to tell your boss. “It’s best to ask for informal accommodations such as extra time getting projects done, or working in a less distracting environment,” says Matlen.

What about romantic and other close personal relationships? Matlen says it’s important to share your diagnosis with these people right away, “just like you’d share with them a medical condition that is worrisome to you and that could impact those around you.” The people you’re closest to will want to know about your ADHD so they can understand you and support you.

In other relationships, Matlen says you might want to share your ADHD symptoms instead of your ADHD diagnosis. For instance, you could say, “I don’t have a good sense of time, so I’m often late,” or “I have a tough time staying organized,” or “I get distracted easily.”

The bottom line? “You don’t have to reveal your ADHD unless you feel it’s necessary,” says Matlen. “You need to determine with whom you can feel comfortable disclosing your diagnosis — people you trust who will celebrate you for who you are, not the diagnosis you carry.”

Respond to Negative Reactions

Let’s say you get a skeptical or negative response from someone you’ve told about your ADHD. How should you respond?

“With calm!” Matlen exclaims. “This is a great opportunity to educate people about ADHD.” She suggests responding with something like this:

“Can I tell you a bit about ADHD? Lots of people believe articles they read online that are terribly misleading. Saying derogatory things about ADHD is very hurtful. We didn’t understand much about depression some years back, but now we know that it is a true disorder that is highly treatable. The same goes for ADHD. Can I share an article or book with you that explains this better? I appreciate your interest in learning more about it—it means a lot to me.”

What do you do if your partner is having trouble accepting or believing your ADHD diagnosis? If you’re in therapy, bring your partner along to a session and have the therapist talk about how ADHD affects partners, suggests Matlen. She also recommends reading Melissa Orlov’s book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps, with your partner.

Combat Misinformation About ADHD

How can you educate others in your life about ADHD? When discussions about invisible conditions such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD come up, “you could mention that ADHD fits in that category,” Matlen says. Maybe your friend or a family member deals with one of these mental health conditions. Talking about and empathizing with their condition could open the door for discussing your ADHD with them.

Make sure you’re prepared first though. “The more you educate yourself, the better you’ll be able to educate those around you,” says Matlen. She suggests practicing with someone you trust until you feel more confident in the way you explain your ADHD.

Resources to Help

Matlen recommends several resources that may help others understand your ADHD better:

  • ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction—from Childhood through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, and John J. Ratey, MD
  • Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, and John J. Ratey, MD
  • Children and Adults with ADHD (CHADD), a national non-profit organization that has support meetings in many large cities
  • Attention Deficit Disorder Association, which has virtual support groups, including one for non-ADHD partners

Sources:

ADDitude: The Neuroscience of the ADHD Brain

Share:

Explore More

Articles

5 Reasons to Be Thankful for ADHD

By Elizabeth Weiss Everyone is given the opportunity to stop and consider...
Read now
Podcasts

Jen Verhagen and Realizing Your Potential

Jen Verhagen was diagnosed with ADHD five years ago when...
Listen now
Webinars

Unraveling the Puzzle: ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression Explained

Do you often feel ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression overlap, making...
Watch now

Looking to take our Mentavi Smart Assessment? That’s available all day, every day, whenever and wherever is best for you!

Live support will be unavailable during regular business hours on Thursday, November 23, and Friday, November 24. You can always submit a request or leave a voice message. We’ll get back to you when we return on Monday, November 27.

Please note: Each of our clinicians sets their own holiday hours, check with them for their schedule.

Our site is open 24/7! You can always schedule an appointment, check out our podcasts, or read up on the latest ADHD information.

The system is experiencing technical issues scheduling new appointments.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. We understand the importance of making an appointment, and this issue is our top priority.

Please reach out to us via chat or call us at 888-493-ADHD (2343) and we will assist you. If we are not available, please leave us a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

The ADHD Online Team

We will perform scheduled maintenance on our Patient Portal on Thursday, September 28 from 5:00 – 6:30 AM ET. During this time, appointment scheduling will not be available.

Our team will be hard at work while many of you sleep to keep the disruption to a minimum. We apologize for any inconvenience.

The ADHD Online (early morning) Team

ADHD Online will be closed on
Monday, September 4 in observance of Labor Day.

Live support will be unavailable during this time, but you can always submit a request or leave a voice message at 888-493-ADHD (2343). We’ll get back to you when we return on Tuesday, September 5.

Each of our clinicians sets their own holiday hours. Check with your doctor for availability.

Looking to take our Assessment? That’s available all day, every day, whenever and wherever is best for you! 

Provide this form to your local practitioner. You could:

  • Send this link
  • Email the pdf
  • Print it out and bring it to your appointment

Ask your practitioner
to complete the form

In this form, your practitioner will request that ADHD Online continue to provide uninterrupted care

Return the form to us

You or your practitioner can return this form to us via email or fax it to 616-210-3118

Looking to take our Assessment? That’s available all day, every day, whenever and wherever is best for you!

For those seeking an Assessment, you can dive right in! Our portal is up throughout the holiday!

If you have a question for us, our office will be providing holiday patient support on July 3 & 4, and we are committed to responding to your needs as promptly as possible. In-person phone support may be available but limited due to holiday hours.  You can always submit a request or leave a voice message and we will prioritize addressing them upon our return. We genuinely appreciate your understanding. Full office operations will resume on Wednesday, July 5.

If you already are on our Treatment path, be aware that each of our clinicians sets their own holiday hours. Check with your doctor for availability.

ADHD Online will be closed on June 19th in observance of Juneteenth.

Live support will be unavailable while we’re closed but you can always submit a request or leave a voice message. We’ll get back to you when we return on Tuesday, June 20th.

Each of our clinicians sets their own holiday hours. Check with your doctor for availability.

Looking to take our Assessment? That’s available all day, every day, whenever and wherever is best for you!

ADHD Online will be closed on June 19th in observance of Juneteenth.

Live support will be unavailable while we’re closed but you can always submit a request or leave a voice message. We’ll get back to you when we return on Tuesday, June 20th.

Each of our clinicians sets their own holiday hours. Check with your doctor for availability.

Looking to take our Assessment? That’s available all day, every day, whenever and wherever is best for you!